Strategies to help us change
automatic dysfunctional thoughts
Straightforward
replacement: Substitute
“should / must / have to / need ought to…etc”
with “would like / prefer / would be nice / want”, dropping the sense
of demandingness and judgementalism associated with “should” and “must”
Dispute the
premise that things have to be perfect or that they should be any particular way
that you have in your mind.
Logic:
It is not logical to think that I must be perfect, since no one is
perfect in any way. It is irrational
to think that because I can imagine it, it
must
happen.
Evidence:
What is the evidence that I am a worthless loser if I am not perfect
(thin)? Is there contradictory
evidence? Are there people who have
some flaws who are OK? Is there any evidence that a different set of rules apply
to me? How could I find out?
Functional: Is it working for me?
Reframing:
Try
to look tings from a different perspective, usually trying to find the positive
elements of things that you view to be negative.
Often the positive turns out to be much more valid that the horrible
negative view that you began with. “I
was laid off, how horrible, I am a failure and will be unemployed forever”
often turns out to be: “this is an opportunity to look for better
employment which I may enjoy more and may even lead to better career options”
Double
Standard Technique:
Would
I apply the same thoughts to someone else? If
not why not talk to myself the same way I would talk to a friend?
Conduct Behavioral
Experiments:
Do
an experiment to test your negative thought.
Make a deliberate mistake and check to see if you become absolutely
worthless because you weren’t perfect. Do
something to risk public rejection and see if you are actually completely and
permanently rejected by everyone.
Use
Continuums to counter black and white thinking:
Rather
than thinking that I must not have any fat, think of a starving person who is about to die with just skin and bones
at one end, (the meter at 0) and a
person weighing 1,000 pounds or more at the other (the meter at 100).
Realize that I must fall somewhere in between 0 and 100.
What would I be willing to accept. Is
that how others see me? Use
continuums in other areas, including beauty (most ugly person in the world –
most beautiful person in the world), success and any other perfectionistic ideal
you have.
Acceptance
Paradox:
Instead
of defending yourself against criticisms, find truth in them and accept your
shortcomings. Accept that “there
is little about me, if anything, that couldn’t be improved”.
When
worried or anxious imagine the worst case scenario and then come to peace with
the acceptance that if that happened you could live with it and still have a
happy life.
Shame Attacking Exercises:
Intentionally
do something foolish to attract attention to yourself in public.
Call out stops on a bus, shout out the time while in a line up at the
grocery store, be creative, spontaneously start singing in a restaurant.
Find out that the world doesn’t end, people don’t really look down on
you. This can be very liberating.
Humour,
Paradoxical magnification:
Instead
of arguing with negative thoughts, make them as extreme as possible, try to come
up with humorous exaggerations. "I am not a
very good Saxophone player.
Well, Carnegie Hall is not exactly waiting for me anyway, I enjoy playing".
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